You know how "they" say that kids are like sponges, and that everything they hear and see is being absorbed. Why do we always take this lightly and laugh at it, like its cute? Imagine your 3-year-old emulate every behavior they see from you. The good behavior, that's phenomenal, and I hope that it sticks more than the bad. Now, in a perfect world, it would be astounding if we all carried ourselves in such a manner that all we had to show our children were good behaviors. The reality is that we are flawed and we are bound to make mistakes at some point. The bad behaviors we exhibit in front of our children tend to stick more than the good ones. Unfortunately its hard to eschew bad behavior. The bad behaviors, habits, and actions we show our younger generation can leave a nasty scar in our youth. It is important for us millennials to heal from the traumas, aka, the bad behaviors, habits, and actions we saw from our parents, and other traumas that we have picked up along the way, if we are to create healthy environments to raise our future generation. I know I am not the only one who grew up in a dysfunctional family, and I am not the only one that has been through traumatic events or situations. At some point we all witnessed something that was not healthy for us, and it stuck with us. It is important for me to highlight this really early in this blog that this is not directed to oppress our parents for exhibiting bad behaviors, habits, and actions in front of us, or to oppress anyone that had anything to do with our traumas. Unfortunately if you are the parent of a millennial and you are reading this, let me tell you that, you like us were a victim of the environment you grew up in, and some times the roots go down deep. I would also like to highlight that anyone can change at any given point in their life if they are placed or create a nurturing environment.
Awareness and Forgiveness
In order for us or anyone to heal from childhood traumas or traumas in general, we have to start with awareness, we need to realize that there was something that went dreadfully wrong in our childhood or at some point in our lives, and know that we cannot make our parents accountable for our decisions to staying in that trauma, or hold that specific situation accountable. We need to realize that sometimes bad things happen to good people, and we have to see it for what it is. After we become aware that we are dealing with these generational traumas (curses), we need to FORGIVE, yes! FORGIVE! We need to forgive our parents, role models or whom ever raised you, and those that did bad things to you and hurt you physically or emotionally, and understand that they themselves were not brought up in nurturing environments or they lacked good direction in life. Once we become aware of the bad behaviors we picked up, and the traumatic moments we experience, we will be able to pin-point who we picked it up from or what event caused the trauma, and we can start to work on forgiveness. Forgiveness is the most vital step in healing, and let me just highlight that we forgive to set ourselves free, it really has nothing to do with the person we are forgiving and transgressions they may have caused. Forgiveness is designed to set US FREE from holding a grudge or anger, therefore, forgive, let it go, and heal!
Once we have forgiven, then we can begin to learn how to unlearn bad behaviors and toxic traits. We need to teach ourselves how to heal properly and healthy. Learning is a crucial part of healing, because we have to exercise discipline with learning, and that can be hard for most of us. Imagine changing something that you have done your whole life, and now it turns out that it's wrongful, yes! it sucks, and denial tends to want to block the awareness portion of our healing, and that is simply because we don't want to accept the harsh truth of how crummy we can be to others and our loved ones, or how crummy someone was to us. But stay strong and continue to press forward. There is a myriad of diverse tools for anyone to use in order to self-educate. My personal favorites are books, self-help books are IN right now, and they are filled with knowledge and so much wisdom. One book that really changed the way I used to think about discipline is Discipline Equals Freedom by Jocko Willink, this book is by far a must read for anyone that wants some discipline in their life. Jocko made this book to be very versatile and can be easily applied to different areas of ones life. Another book that shook me to the core is A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Eckhart does an amazing job in describing the ego and everything that the ego has power over. We all have ego, and if we are not educated enough about the ego in all of us it can be very harmful to ourselves and those around us. Pick up any of these books if you want to learn more about discipline and ego. Knowledge can come from other platforms as well, we live in a digital world where social media is a huge influence, so use it wisely. There are plenty of influencers out there creating self-help content, and educational videos, therefore, there is no excuse for anyone to say that they don't have access to some type of learning platform for free. Therapy is also a must for anyone wanting to heal from traumas.
Patience and Failure
Learning new things and new ways to heal and overcome traumas in general takes time and patience, so be patient with yourself. From my personal experience patience is something that was extraterrestrial to me, and I ended up getting discouraged because any positive process was just taking too long. Patience is something that I still continuously pray for. It took some time for me to acquire the patience that I now have. I made a lot of mistakes along the way in the beginning of my healing journey, and I failed many times. As shallow as it may sound, mistakes and failures are a good thing, because, they build character and give you new opportunities to assess a situation and learn from it, so the next time you go and attempt something you will be more knowledgeable on what not to do. Failures and mistakes are necessary in order to grow and heal properly. It is through both making mistakes and failing that we transcend into an ameliorated version of ourselves. So, if you fail, its ok, just make sure you get up and keep going. It is not the end of the world if you make a mistake along the way, as long as you are learning something positive from that mistake. Remember to be patient with yourself always, and of course most importantly do your best to remind yourself that patience is a choice and it takes time to make the commitment to patience.
Keep your circle of people to a minimum. It is important to have a group of people that are supportive of you, and your healing journey, but it is equally important to be aware of the people that will drain your energies and exhibit the bad behaviors we are doing our best to overcome. This will sound harsh and it will not be easy to do, but you have to burn some bridges between you and certain people, especially the ones that you already know will vilify your name. Titles don't matter in this area, it doesn't matter if these people have been in your life for years, or if they have the same blood as you. Your priority is to protect your peace and your healing journey, and not everyone can have a front row seat of watching you become a beautiful butterfly. It is okay to be selfish during your healing journey. Be extra careful of sycophant individuals, they will use you and abuse you and then leave you dry of love, patience, confidence, etc.. Protect your healing journey at all costs. Be strong and bold with your healing to the point that if you need to isolate yourself to do it alone for a while, you will be okay being alone.
Alone NOT Lonely
Isolation is a must in healing. You will come to a point in your healing where you need clarity, and you can only gain this clarity by being alone. Now I don't mean go and divorce your spouse if your married, what I mean is, set some time apart out of your day to be alone by yourself. You can truly connect with who you really are when you are isolated. It is when we are alone that we can truly experience stillness and become one with the present moment, and it is only then that we can learn to appreciate all the little things that get drowned in all the noise of everyday routines, for example the birds in the trees, the clouds, the stars, a newborn baby's cry, a child's laugh, rainfall, the laughter of your loved one, and so much more that we miss because of our daily routines. What works for me is early mornings, and that's why going to sleep early and waking up early is important to me. We all need alone time at some point. Again! this doesn't mean you push your loved ones to the side, but set some healthy boundaries that will accommodate your needs.
Okay! This one was a hard one for me. I had to distance myself from my siblings for a moment, and it made me feel guilty because I felt like the bad guy. Please don't feel guilty for healing on your own. Remember this is your journey and your life, you are the author of your own life, so do not succumb to your guilt. Boundaries are built to protect you from the outside world. If someone has a problem with you're boundaries, then, that is their problem, not yours! Your job is to uphold those boundaries.
God, Jesus, Einstein, Buddha, Ganesh, etc.. I believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ and that he died for my sins. You have to believe in a greater power than yourself. Find what works for you and stay loyal to your soil. Having that divine connection with a higher power will only ameliorate your life. Prayer for me is a huge part of my life. Prayer is different for a lot of people, for me it looks like talking to a friend, and I'm sure I've been spotted talking to myself before, but I was really talking to my Abba. Faith is a part of healing, so find your center and what you believe in, and as long as it comes from a good place in your heart, and you mean no harm to others than stick with it.
I mean this literally! Run, bike, Hike, climb, etc.. Move your body! Our bodies are connected to our minds, emotions, feelings, and thoughts. If you don't like something in the person starring back at you in the mirror, then do something about it, don't keep looking, and hoping something will happen on it's own, because it's not! It is up to you! You have to show up for yourself. Get that body moving! The better your body will feel, the better your emotional stage will be. So go get after it, show up for yourself.
No one is coming! No one is coming! No one is going to show up and do the hard work of healing for you. It's got to be you my friend, and you are enough to heal yourself. Keep moving forward, the pace doesn't matter, just keep it pushing, and always remember, it's YOU! No one is coming, it's You that has got to show up and show out!
There's no better time than this moment! So practice awareness and figure out what it is you need to heal from, and then forgive those who weren't their best selves, or forgive yourself, because sometimes its us that create our own traumas. Learn how to unlearn bad behaviors and how to heal properly. Accept that you will fail, but through patience you will become resilient, and you WILL get up every single time you fail. Remember, this is your healing journey, so if you must burn bridges, then do it with a smile. Practice stillness, find time to be alone and connect with your inner self. Set healthy boundaries in place to protect your peace and energy. Have faith and believe that you will heal and will transcend into a beautiful butterfly. Keep your body moving at all times, get in the best shape of your life so you have the strengths to show up for yourself, because no one is coming. Its always been You! Finally, kick your life in high gear and get after that healing right now! Don't continue waiting until the sun comes out. We all have light inside of us, so shine so bright that the sun will be jealous.
My Hopes For You
I hope you conquer every monster in the closet. I hope you heal from the most devastating trauma you have ever faced. I hope you use your story to inspire others to heal. I hope you become the absolute best version of yourself in this life. Remember, we only live ONCE, so live it on purpose and with meaning! I hope you all thrive in your journeys. In the mighty name of Jesus! Amen!
This Blog Post is Dedicated to My Partner Alfonso F.